I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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