a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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