Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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