It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
