her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
