the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
