Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize