Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
