The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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