drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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