Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
