I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
