afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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