does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
