hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
