He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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