dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
