hotel room ftw
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
