Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
