i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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