Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
