so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
