you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize