I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
