I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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