My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
