Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
