Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
