I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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