"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just invented taco cereal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
