and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
