the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
