didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
