It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
40s are totally the cure
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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