i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
