it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
