So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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