think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize