just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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