Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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