Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
