I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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