Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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