I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
