Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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