my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
