i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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