I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
