I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
