The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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