I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize