i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
