i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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