i'm signing you up for texting rehab
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
