I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
