When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
