Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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