This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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