That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
