Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
