i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
