all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
