just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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