If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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