I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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