Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
