haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
