Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
