We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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