bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
