I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
