He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
