The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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