I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize