my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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